The Pan Handlers a.k.a. The beggars at the Pushkar Mela.

The old adage ’Beggars can’t be choosers’ has disappeared and a new mantra of selection as per Darwin and Gregor Mendel and the latest in the fray is DNA RNA computation have come in force. It is 21st century yaar! We cannot leave a single beggar scot free.

Bharathi’s flaming eyes will shout ”Thaniyoru manithanukku uNavilleyenil intha jagathinai azhithiduvOm’.
Recently a ‘beggar’ was caught in an Arabian country with $8 Lac dollars or so in his pocket.

OUR pan handlers are going to get richer by Rs.5000/- as per the news in Times of India, Chennai dated 22/7/2015.
A holy dip and a clean sweep from the Pushkar Mela will make the ‘beggar’ richer by Rs.5000/- But this is going to happen once in 144 years!
One ‘beggar’ took out his whatsaap cell and sweeped the calculator and made an instant calculation and announced in public. “It comes to 9.5 paisa per day! The planning commission’s calculation of Rs.28 per day per person itself is insufficient. Here the old adage will suit well, beggars can’t be choosers”.
This announcement made the powerful brain of the local administrator high and dry. He could not compute the same at this speed of light. One Yogi standing nearby told him that it is the drained stomach that made his brain so powerful.

As soon as the announcement came in air, many tore their dress to get this holy Prasad of Rs. 5000/-
In India, the great Bharath, we know how and when to change our dress and hues. Many could not do this.

Again think of 144 years! Even Halley’s Comet appears once in 76 years and its next appearance is predicted on July 28, 2061 and is sure to happen. Can we celebrate another Pushkar on that Holy day? All the great beggars will wait.
In the same way we cannot predict the number of stampedes and deaths in the next Pushkar.

As we have many rivers, both with water and dry, we can conduct Pushkars at all places and all Ghats round the year as the ‘beggars’ will get their due and free food. We can even bring ‘beggars’ from far off places and make them take a Holy bath. I do not know whether the pan handlers have their own state and territory, we have to probe.

If there is a river dispute, the ‘beggars’ will have a hard time.
We can even have two types of Pushkars. One a ’Holy Dip in rivers’ and the other a “Holy climb on The Himalayas’. The climbing will fetch Rs. 10000/- the ‘catch’ to get this money is an agent will be on the peak and tie a laser band with a barcode and on showing this only, one will get. But there will be ‘fakes’ at the base camp itself. No escape from the crooked brains yaar!

Of course, to get this Rs> 5000/- is not that easy. There are stringent rules under which one will be termed as a beggar. He has to undergo many tests, oral, written, physical, medical and mental and many others as specified from time to time. He or she must have a minimum of 100 photos, both in black and white as well in colour in various poses to prove that he/she is not a fake. If a certificate of competency or inheritance is shown, he/she will get some ‘special’ privileges. Child beggars will get half the amount, including even if it is in the mother’s womb. Even surrogacy is permitted. The times are changing yaar! Right from the fingerprints, possession of ration card and other identity cards like voter ID are all going to be included. Even if one missing, including the pan he /she carries, you are out from the game. The number of dents in the pan is the bench mark to qualify. The more the merrier will be the pan handler. The new comers will get a pan as a freebie.Hence to get these photos and certificates, the pan handler has to spent more than Rs.5000/-
But still, it is a pleasure to beg!

Next in our list of ideas is to send the ‘beggars’ to Alpine Mountains and the stake will be in Swiss Francs!
A dip in Danube will not be permitted as that is the only river which passes through ten countries without a dispute.
How are we going to tackle the situation? Only time can tell the way.

This scheme of ‘Dip and Drive the Beggars’ and fill their kitty will come handy in the freebie scheme. The authorities need this ‘great bath’ only once in 144 years. Even Louis XIV had his bath only twice in his lfe!

Until then, ‘May their tribe increase’.

By Sundareswaran Date: 22nd July 2015.

May Abou Ben Adhem and Leigh Hunt excuse me for using this line.

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